cooking with K-Dawg and T-Money!

Hi, everyone, and welcome to cooking With K-Dawg and T-Money, the number one cooking show on TTCTV (Tabs the cat TV), where we teach you absolutely nothing about food.


Это верно! — not a damned thing.

Hungry for homemade pasta? Salivating over sushi? Craving killer creppes? GURL, you won’t hear about any of that stuff here.

That’s because we dish about makeup, and today we’re cooking up delicious looks for lips with some new products from Guerlain.


Кошки и макияж Толстовка ??

$ 42.

Магазин сейчас

Wearing Guerlain Rouge G in 864 rose Grenat ($51), new for spring 2014
Shoo’, I couldn’t cook my way out of a paper bag, and my cat co-host Tabs lacks opposable thumbs, so he’s no cordon bleu chef, either.

Ой! — I’ve just been corrected by my producer. Apparently, I should have referred to my kitty co-host as, “Internationally renowned plus-size kitty supermodel, hip-hop mogul and founding member of Kitty Mensa Tabs the Cat.”


Давайте начнем. step one: prepping our ingredients.

Four of the seven new Guerlain Rouge G’s, $51 each, coming next month to Guerlain counters and online
It’s important to use the freshest ingredients, so today we’ll be working with a new crop of Rouge G Lipsticks ($51 each).

Four of the seven new spring 2014 Guerlain Rouge G’s

Aren’t they to-die-for!? In obscure metaphorical terms, if a lipstick were like eating an entire cheesecake all by yourself in one sitting, that lipstick would be a Rouge G. With a wide range of colors and coverages from sheer to full, plus a creamy, mega moisturizing formula, they’re pure indulgence (but calorie-free, WOOT!).

Next month Guerlain adds five new shades to their already extensive permanent line…

15 Galiane, a nude beige

16 Gaetane, a deep brown

77 Geraldine, a luminous pink

78 Gladys, a vibrant fuchsia

48 Geneva, an orange

And two new limited-edition lippies in special lacquered packaging…

864 rose Grenat, a velvety reddish pink

866 rose Glace, a nude pink

On with the cooking! and don’t you worry about a thing, babe. even if you can’t make toast or boil water, you can handle this.

All we’re gonna do is pick a handful of our favorite shades from the new batch. I’m going with pink 77 Geraldine, orange 48 Geneva, reddish pink 864 rose Grenat and nude pink 866 rose Glace.

From the left: 864 rose Grenat, 866 rose Glace, 48 Geneva and 77 Geraldine
Now, place them in front of you on your countertop. notice how they rest on their sides? They were designed that way by French jeweler Lorenz Baumer, who’s also worked with Cartier, Gucci and Hermes. Lorenz got the idea for the shape from gold bars. then he rounded the edges to make them more feminine.

Limited edition packaging for 866 rose Glace (the light pink tube) and 864 rose Grenat (hot pink)
Considering that these are $51 each and quite heavy, it was almost foretelling that the packaging was inspired by gold bars.

But I like that they have some heft to ’em. I think it makes them feel extra fancy and hello! — useful during the eventual zombie apocalypse. When your significant other makes a fuss about you bringing them on the road, you can tell him or her to “Step back, yo! I’m going to use them as a weapon,” and then place them inside a pillowcase and swing them around like a mace!

Oops, my producer is telling me to change the subject, so…where were we?

О, да! Guerlain…

Rouge G Lipsticks from the left: 77 Geraldine, 48 Geneva, 866 rose Glace and 864 rose Grenat
Now, let’s open one of them and admire ourselves in the mirror hidden inside the cap.

Зеркало Зеркало…
Apply one layer to your lips.

Только один! That’s all you’ll need, as the Rouge G’s are smoother than smooth, and you shouldn’t have any issues with patchiness or uneven color.

Rouge G swatches from the left: rose Glace, rose Grenat, Geneva and Geraldine
864 rose Grenat, a velvety reddish pink (limited edition)
48 Geneva, an orange (permanent)
77 Geraldine, a luminous pink (permanent)
866 rose Glace, a nude pink (limited edition)

You could leave it on for a while if you’d like. It should last from 2-5 hours and fade slowly, depending on the intensity of the color.


And that just about does it for this week’s episode of cooking With K-Dawg and T-Money! Don’t forget to set your Tivo for next week’s show. Тогда увидимся.

Ваши дружественные соседские красоты наркомана,